I hate myself each time I snuggie

I want my first point to be very clear: I did not do this on purpose.

It was forced on me. It was gifted. This is not my fault.

Just so that’s clear

A Saturday morning staff meeting is to blame. You see… I’m incredibly good at my job. Not to mention modest. So when our staff was broken into teams to compete against one another, and they made me team captain and, well…

Did I mention that I also have a teeny tiny competitive streak? Barely worth mentioning.

But OF COURSE my team won. In the words of my friend’s two-year-old in response to absolutely everything that is said to him… DUH.

However, everything in life comes with consequences. And in this case, my team may have won, but our prizes ended up being Snuggies.

Oh boy.

The idea of a blanket with sleeves has never appealed to me. How incredibly lazy must one be or how uncomfortable must the temperature in your house be to require you to bundle yourself up from neck to toe, you know?

But the Snuggie came home with me. And it sat there in the packaging. Staring at me.

How do you weigh the balance between receiving something free and something that you hate?

Free normally wins out, in case you were wondering. *insert justifiable excuse next*

And it was chilly in my house this weekend, because I opened the windows to let the warmer-than-normal-for-February-air in.

And I did need to type on my computer. I did have things to get done in a chilly room.

So I stared. Until I caved.

And it was wonderful. Dammit.

Of course, everything has a consequence and mine is that my very red Snuggie sheds everywhere. I’ve got Snuggie on my couch, on my black workpants, on my shoes, in my shower…

I’m starting to wonder if my Snuggie doesn’t transform in to a cat when I’m not home.

Anyway, I’ve come home and slipped it on the last two nights, and last night I slept in it, cozily (if not a little too warmly) for a few hours.

I hate myself for loving my Snuggie. At least it was free.

And before this post goes anywhere, I just want to reaffirm that me liking my Snuggie does not make the Lazy Forever an acceptable product in any circumstance. Anything besides a baby jumper that comes with a removable panel so you can squat on your pot without taking your clothes off, is in fact, unacceptable.

I really thought this was a joke the first time I saw it…


The Mean(ing) of Green

I just heard Taylor Swift’s “Why you gotta be so mean?” on the radio and it triggered my memory of a dream from last night.

And it’s the kind of dream that should be shared.

So, Taylor was singing her song, Mean… the lyrics “Why you gotta be so mean?”  resonating in my head.

Except instead of “Mean” she said “Green.”

“Why you gotta be so GREEN?”

And in the audience, it was just me and Kermit the Frog.

So I shouted in defense of Kermit, “”Don’t you know it’s not easy being green?!”

Taylor kept on singing.  End dream.

A. I want to point out that I can’t make up dreams like this. I’m not that creative.  And…

B. Taylor’s actually a nice person. Or so I’m told via a reliable source. It involves details and a mattress… anyway, she’s nice. And my subconscious KNOWS this. So…

C. What exactly did Kermit the Frog do to rank this situation in my dream?

D. Why, oh why have I given it this much thought?

End Discussion.